The Pensive
by Bamfbabe
Summary: A guess as to what other thoughts were in the pensieve...
1. The Pensive

Disclaimer: Strangely enough, everything belongs to J. K. Rowling. even the inspiration for the story.  
  
Author's note: *** Contains tiny spoilers for OotP!!!! Although when I say tiny, I mean tiny. *** This is set about five minutes after Harry looks in the pensive.  
  
Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated, and flames are used to toast marshmallows on.  
  
Many thanks to my beta reader Neil. (Although not for the many suggestion of steamy sex scenes in the room of requirement.)  
  
Now, for those who actually want the story, here goes.  
  
The Pensive.  
  
Severus Snape sat in his office and tried to collect his thoughts. He figured he was lucky that that was the only thought the potter boy had seen in the pensive. He didn't care if the boy's image of James Potter had just been shattered. All Snape cared about was that Harry hadn't seen the other thoughts in the pensive. That would have been catastrophic. While Snape didn't care about his former tormentor's reputation, Lily's was another matter.  
  
Snape sighed as he thought of Lily. In his mind she could never do anything wrong. Even when she married that foul man, Snape found it in his heart to forgive her. Even when she died to save that boy, Snape forgave her. She on the other hand never forgave him for one mistake. That one mistake was now floating in the pensive, looking so innocent. If the boy had seen that one mistake his image of a perfect mother would have been gone forever. Snape knew he'd never live with himself if that had happened.  
  
A tear had made its way to the corner of his eye. He wiped it away angrily. He looked upon crying as a sign of weakness. He had always been weak. That was why Lily had married James Potter instead of him. Snape knew that Lily never loved James, she had told him so that night.  
  
Snape's hand shook as he leaned towards the pensive. Slowly an image formed around him. He saw himself, sixteen years ago sitting in the Hogs Head. The image of himself was drowning its sorrows in firewhiskey. He was by himself, as usual. As Snape looked around he spotted her, sitting in the corner. The young Snape had also spotted her, and was making his way towards her. She looked up from her butterbeer as his shadow fell across her.  
  
As she looked up, the Snape from sixteen years ago realised there were tears threatening to spill from her beautiful eyes. He produced a silk hankie from his robe pocket and offered it to her. 


	2. The bad dreams came

Disclaimer: Strangely enough, everything belongs to J. K. Rowling. even the inspiration for the story.  
  
Author's note: Thank you so much SatanSaphire! This ones for you. My apologies in advance for all the bad dialogue... It's not my strong point.  
  
Also, to anyone who's reading this: the power supply in this computer is dead, and at the moment, I'm using the power supply from my brother's computer. Because of this, I don't have access to a computer all the time, so updates may be erratic. Also, I know its short, but bear with me.. Please?  
  
Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated, and flames are used to toast marshmallows on.  
  
Thanks again to my beta reader Neil.  
  
And finally. the story!!!  
  
Snape watched the scene play out in front of him. He knew what was going to happen, but was compelled to watch. He didn't want to reawaken the pain again, but couldn't pull himself away. It wasn't until he felt warm tears trickling down his cheeks that he pulled himself away from the heartbreaking memory.  
  
As he came back to the real world, Snape wiped the tears away. The thoughts still floated in the pensive, looking innocent as ever. Snape touched them gently with his wand and put them back where they belonged. Buried in the back of his mind, Where only he had access to them.  
  
That night, Snape's mind was again drawn back to sixteen years ago. Even as he slept, his dreams were filled with images of the three broomsticks, and Lily. "Severus? What are you doing here?" Lily's voice was as soft and sweet as he remembered.  
  
"I was going to ask you the same thing." He replied, smiling slightly. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She hadn't changed a bit in the years since he had last seen her. "You look great."  
  
"You too. You've changed a lot." There was a quiver in her voice as she said this, and the tears were threatening to return.  
  
"Hey, don't cry. tell me whats wrong." He smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.  
  
"It's nothing." She looked down at her knees, and he watched a tear make its way down the side of her nose to the corner of her mouth.  
  
"It doesn't look like nothing," He paused to gage her reaction, and then continued, "But if you don't want to talk about it, well, that's OK." She smiled that beautiful smile again, and his heart melted once more.  
  
"I don't really." There was an awkward silence before her sweet voice filled his mind again. "But you never answered my question. What are you doing here?" It was Snape's turn to be silent. He rubbed his arm without realising while he answered.  
  
"I'm drowning out memories" was all he said. Her voice, this time gently probing, broke into his thoughts once more.  
  
"What kind of memories?"  
  
"The bad kind."  
  
.Snape awoke with a start. He hated that dream. He hated anything that reminded him of Lily. He knew that if he went to sleep again, the dreams would return. 


	3. The bad kind

Disclaimer: I own nothing. everything here belongs to the genius that is J.K. Rowling.  
  
Authors note: I made it longer! (Twice as long!) Now I want that cookie.!  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed. You don't realise how happy it makes me!  
  
My beta reader was unavailable for this chapter, so if there are mistakes tell me and I'll fix 'em. Also. I'm not sure if there are benches by the lake. If anyone could tell me, that would be nice. More to come soon.  
  
Now. The story:  
  
Snape hurriedly pulled on his robes. He knew that sleep would not come again that night. He strode quickly through the corridors until he reached the fresh air outside. He needed too clear his head, and in the past had found a brisk walk by the lake helped the process. As he was making his way towards the dark expanse of water, He noticed a lone figure had beaten him to it. He turned to leave, but stopped when he heard his name. He turned and fixed an icy stare on the person by the lake.  
  
"Minerva." Snape knew his intimidation tactics wouldn't work with her. He sighed as he saw her move towards him. All he wanted was to be alone. Alone with his thoughts.  
  
"So it's true then. you did stop the lessons." A stony silence greeted her words. "Why?" It was a simple question, and yet he couldn't answer her. "Severus, answer me." He sighed. Not even Dumbledore could resist that tone.  
  
"He wasn't learning Minerva. It was a waste of both of our time."  
  
"And that's the only reason.?" Another wall of silence was her only answer. "Severus, you promised her you'd keep him safe." She realised to late that she had touched a raw nerve.  
  
"I know what I promised her! Do you think I could forget?" Suddenly, his voice dropped to barley a whisper. "I remember every word we said that night. Every last word. I know what I promised her Minerva, I know. But I don't know if I can do it anymore." She was shocked. In all the years she had known him, Severus Snape had never let his emotional guard down. And yet, Here he was standing in front of her with tears streaming down his face.  
  
"Why not? Why can't you? You loved her Severus, why can't you help her one more time?" The answer she received was not what she had expected.  
  
"I hate him Minerva. Every time I see him, I'm reminded of her. Every time I see those eyes. He has her eyes you know. And her smile." He looked so vulnerable, standing there, with tears pouring down his face, and she knew she had to do something. She took a firm grip of his arm, and guided him to a bench.  
  
"Tell me what happened. maybe if you tell me, I can understand." She looked into his dark eyes, and for the first time she saw a faint glimmer of hope looking back at her. She listened while the man beside her pored out his heart.  
  
. "The bad kind." At this abrupt answer, Lily looked up sharply.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" He looked straight into her eyes.  
  
"You've helped me enough already Lily. It's my turn to say thank you. tell me whats wrong." There was another silence until he murmured "please?"  
  
"I never really loved him."  
  
"I know." She looked at him and smiled.  
  
"I always suspected you knew Severus. You were always good at looking into people's hearts." She was smiling sadly as she said this. "You were always able to see straight into his heart too. You knew he was never as great as I liked to think." There was a pause before he answered.  
  
"All I knew was I didn't like him Lily. I never knew more then that." He didn't know what else to say to her. This wasn't exactly a conversation he had every day. "You loved him once though." She dropped her head and sighed heavily before answering.  
  
"Did I?" He put his hand gently on her face, and forced her to look him in the eye.  
  
"You did at the start Lily. Otherwise you wouldn't have given him the time of day." There was another pause before he said "I may be able to see into people's hearts Lily, but you see straight to their souls." Her eyes misted up again as he said this.  
  
"I was going to leave him." He was visibly shocked by this confession. "I was going to go. I had everything worked out." She took a shuddering breath and continued. "But. Then I found out." She stopped talking and the tears came in floods. He put his arm around her delicate shoulders, and tried to soothe her.  
  
"It's going to be OK. Whatever happened, It'll be OK." She looked at him through misty eyes and sighed.  
  
"It's not going to be OK. I can't leave him. not now."  
  
"Why not? Why can't you leave him?"  
  
"I'm. I'm pregnant." He just looked at her in silence. "James may not be the nicest person in the world, but I will not deny him his son." She had pulled herself together while saying this. "This boy is part of him. he has just as much right to raise him as I do." He could sense her determination, and knew there was no point in trying to talk her into leaving anyway.  
  
"When are you due?" She laughed softly.  
  
"I never put you down as the type to be interested in babies Severus." He laughed with her.  
  
"I'm not." He smiled at her. "I am however, the type to inquire as to an old friend's health." She glanced up at him, but quickly looked down at the floor as she answered.  
  
"I didn't realise you thought of me as a friend." 


	4. Norman Potter

Disclaimer: I own nothing... everything here belongs to the genius that is J.K. Rowling.  
  
Authors note: Thanks to those who reviewed... You don't realise how happy it makes me! Also a special thanks to satansaphire for reviewing every chapter! You are so nice!!!  
  
Sorry this took so long to post, but my school report came, and now I'm being made study in my holidays. I have found that chemistry seriously stems the flow of creative juices...  
  
I'm going on holidays for two weeks so this will be the last update until I get back. But do check back in two weeks, as there is still loads more to come.  
  
Once again reviews are what I live for. They are the basis for my sorry existence on this earth... well that's a slight exaggeration... but you get the picture!  
  
Also If any of the books mentioned Snape's middle name, I apologise...  
  
Anyway.On with the story:  
  
"I didn't realise you thought of me as a friend." He let a small sad smile escape as he heard this.  
  
"Oh... I suppose I never treated you like a friend, but I always counted you as one." There was a moment of silence before she answered.  
  
"Really? I thought I was just a mudblood to you." His only answer was silence, so she pressed on.  
  
"I mean... That's what you called me whenever you spoke to me. Even when I was doing you a favour... You just called me mudblood." She looked him straight in the eye as she said this, and, for the first time in the many years she had known him, saw real sorrow in his eyes.  
  
" I know. And I regret that more then you will ever know."  
  
"I'm sure you had your reasons Severus. After all... you were a Slytherin... you couldn't be seen fraternising with a mudblood..." His expression hardened as he heard this.  
  
"Lily don't ever let me hear you say that again." He said this so forcefully that it took her by surprise. "You are worth more then ten purebloods." She jumped as he spat out the word pureblood. It was said with disgust rather than the pride she was used to hearing him use.  
  
"You really have changed... haven't you? You used to be so proud of your pure lineage. Obsessed almost. You and all your Slytherin friends..." She watched as he tried to control his emotions.  
  
"Some friends..." he muttered softly. The confusion in her emerald eyes was obvious.  
  
"What?" But again she was met only by silence. "Severus, why won't you talk to me? I can help. Just talk to me... Please?"  
  
"I've already told you. You've helped me enough. It's my turn to help you. So tell me... What did he do to upset you this much?"  
  
"Nothing... That's the worst part. I just couldn't stand the thought of growing old with him." she paused to take a deep shuddering breath. "Does that make me a terrible person?" He placed his hand gently on her shoulder.  
  
"Of course it doesn't Lily. It's OK to change your mind about someone. Believe me. That doesn't make you a terrible person... Trust me on this one." She looked up and smiled at him.  
  
"I will... It doesn't matter anyway. I can't leave now. I wouldn't to that to him or the baby..." Her voice lightened as she said the word baby. "I still can't believe I'm having a baby..." He smiled as he heard her say this.  
  
"Is it a boy or girl?" A faint glint of amusement shone in her eyes as he said this.  
  
"You are the last person I thought I'd be talking about babies to! He's a boy though."  
  
"What are you going to call him?" A small grin appeared on her lips as he asked.  
  
"James wants to call him Norman..." He snorted in disbelief.  
  
"I presume you will spare the child..." She laughed.  
  
"Of course I will... Although Norman Potter does have a ring to it..."  
  
"Lily, promise me one thing..." She arched her eyebrow.  
  
"Whats the one thing?"  
  
"Promise me you won't call him Norman..."  
  
"I suppose I might manage that alright. But that's all we can think of." They sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes. Then out of the blue she asked  
  
"Severus... Whats your middle name?" It was his turn to raise an eyebrow.  
  
"Why would you want to know that?" She flashed him a sly grin as she said  
  
"Well if it's nice... I could name him after you..." Another snort of disbelief escaped his lips.  
  
"I'm sure James would love that... but since your asking... It's Harold..." She smiled at his answer.  
  
"Well James would never know, would he? And besides... Harry Potter really does have a nice ring to it!" His expression remained neutral, but there was a hint of pride in his eyes.  
  
"I've never had someone named after me before..." 


	5. Trivial things like love

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Everything here belongs to the genius that is J.K. Rowling.  
  
Authors note: I know this is short, but I feel I owe you something, and I've hit a patch of writers block, so this is the best I could come up with. Sorry again!  
  
Also, I apologise for the delay, but things like holidays, sick sisters, and revision courses have been interrupting...  
  
Reviews are always appreciated. (Roughly translated that means: Please, please, please review!!!!!!)  
  
And here's where I get in my shameless plug. I'm working on another story, Moonlight and Shooting Stars, at the moment, and if you have time, you could read that... Many thanks, Bamfbabe.  
  
"Well James would never know, would he? And besides... Harry Potter really does have a nice ring to it!" His expression remained neutral, but there was a hint of pride in his eyes.  
  
"I've never had someone named after me before..."  
  
...Snape was pulled out of his memories by snigger. He looked up sharply at the woman beside him.  
  
"What?" Minerva Mcgonagall could barely contain herself as she answered him.  
  
"I... I never knew where the name came from..." She laughed again. "Imagine what he'd say!" Snape just rolled his eyes and continued his tale...  
  
...."Well, now that you've named my firstborn son, will you please tell me what's bothering you?" As she said this she saw worry glint in his cold black eyes.  
  
"No... Lily, It's... It's complicated. To be perfectly honest I'm not even sure of the details myself..." He looked down at her and tried to smile. "Don't worry though, I'll be alright. Everything sorts itself out in the end..." There was a stagnant pause before he spoke again. "I am sorry... And I'd tell you if I could, but like I said... It's complicated. And besides, you don't need to hear my sob stories. You have enough on your plate with little Harry on the way!" Lily laughed softly before answering.  
  
"I suppose I do... I always wanted children, but I never thought I'd have one this early. I always figured I'd have them after I had done the 'successful career' thing..." He thought he saw a flicker of regret cross her emerald eyes, but she covered it by saying "What about you? Any significant other I don't know about? What about that Ravenclaw girl... Nikki, was it?"  
  
Snape laughed, but it was a hollow, empty laugh. "No... No significant other... Besides I've been too busy for trivial things like love..."  
  
Lily looked up sharply. "Love is never trivial Severus. It's something beautiful, something to be cherished... Not something trivial."  
  
He sighed, and said, "You always were a poet at heart." He looked down at the table for a moment, and when he raised his eyes to face level again he noticed she was smiling. 


End file.
